If my silence made you leave - that would be my worst mistake.

So much empty obsession with celebrity, with appearance, with sport, with oneself and our own smallest details.  Culture is at war and we can't separate the freedom fighters from the terrorists. What we are presented with in the media confuses us further and so we remain uncertain, and choose to take no action.  Protesters are painted as unpatriotic extremists, jobless hippies, and conspiracy mongers.  It's difficult to participate in dissent, when there is the constant need to simply satisfice our daily needs. That's not even taking into account mobile bills, internet, transportation expenses, and the hell of credit cards, student loans, mortgages, leases and the like. There is also the daily coffee fix, if that's what you need to get you to work in the morning, perhaps a gym membership you religiously adhere to, and god knows what else.  We pay them all, we keep our lives running as best we can, as comfortably as possible, we consider all of these excess amenities extremely necessary to maintain our mental health.

I should note that's an expense that you might need to include to the lengthy list as well if you're getting your happiness with a bit of help from Prozac, Selexa, Effexor or Zoloft. If you miss a payment on those you'll go into a rather unpleasant withdrawal, as it clearly warns you on the box. You may be legitimately in need of such drugs (I have no medical expertise and I know they are life-sustaining for some). Though if you are finding yourself unable to cope with life, the actual professional counselling that should go with them is more expensive, or only 10 sessions are covered by your health insurance. A pill just takes a visit to your GP, and you've got a chemical floating through your system, altering your brain function without the additional cost of psychotherapy or psychiatry.  You'd trouble yourself trying to obtain such therapy through the public health system and then find the public resources short staffed due to cutbacks, which put you on a wait list. Whew. Fun times. 

There are people whose livelihood depends on disseminating disinfomation to prevent you from having an existential crisis when faced with all of these realities. Some may be doing it quite deliberately, some may only be guilty by association.  It's as though there is a need to repackage natural reactions to the stifling nature of our lives back to us as an via an illnesses from which we are meant to seek recovery so we can get back to fulfilling the impossible dreams marketed to us since we were born. 

You don't need to imagine a conspiracy to feel a deep sense that we are often suppressing the realization that our values as a generation (X, Y Millennial) are fundamentally flawed. That the character of those we've passively allowed to rise to the top does not have our best interests at heart.  I am determined to remain hopeful and optimistic, I bet my faith on the greatness of those I have known, and the depth of compassion I have witnessed in my life.  I still can't help but feel discouraged that we haven't been more or done better than this, and how it is considered fashionable and rational to discount idealists and people who rally for peace. I have had discussions with close friends who tell me plainly that humans have warred throughout all of history, and so it is proven that they will never stop.  It is in our nature, and we had best just decide to manage it the best we can.

That's a conclusion I can't abide.   Spend half an hour using youtube and I demand that you tell me how a species capable of what humanity has acheived, should settle for the wastefulness, vanity and greed that pervades our world.  Or how we accept our lives are at the nuclear whim of politicians that behave like salesmen rather than public servants.   

I have met many who agree, but no one knows where to start or how to compromise on what the ideal outcome would be if they did take any action.  Though I'm nurturing some ideas, and beating off the cynicism with blunt objects as I go. The more I learn about the diversity and complexity of ingrained ideas, dogma, and each persons personal morality, I'm searching for a consensus on mutual understanding that on some level can't be found at all, and at the same time seems patently obvious.  

Every day I look for a different perspective with which to approach reality I'm exposed to and the people I interact with to get closer to. . .what?  I'm still uncertain about that answer. It's kind of like the opening of Star Trek; I'm boldly going.... to get out of bed every day and see what I find, to ask more awkward questions and learn more about people as often as I can. To take in the scenery, whose odds of existence - of my existence - seem almost impossible. To do my best within my sphere of experience to give it all to what I have been given, which I'm sure will never feel like enough, because I need to see everything.

So I thought I'd take some of you along for the ride.  It has thrills and chills and it's very brightly colored, and it's fun - for awhile...

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